Exclusive: Ukraine’s First Lady Olena Zelenska openly on despair and fear of war

Anna Dohnalová Anna Dohnalová
6. 11. 2023 5:30
Last year, on the 24th of February, the life of the first lady of Ukraine, Olena Zelenska, changed forever. Just like her husband, she found herself in a role for which she was not prepared and into which she was put by the brutal Russian aggression. How she copes with the war that continues to this day, Olena describes in an exclusive interview for the news site Aktuálně.cz.
Ukraine’s First Lady Olena Zelenska.
Ukraine’s First Lady Olena Zelenska. | Foto: Prezidentská kancelář Ukrajiny, Tetiana Gaydušenková

Your family, your husband, in particular, has become the symbol of the Ukrainian resistance. You were both thrown into roles none of you expected. How much has that affected you? 

Not only us - the Russian aggression forced everyone out of their usual roles and into the unfamiliar. This is exactly what millions of men feel, who, instead of going to offices, have gone to the trenches. Families that used to meet in the evenings for dinner and plan weekends are now separated, living in unfamiliar homes, cities, and countries. The tragedy of war, in particular, is that 90 percent of our people constantly feel anxiety and stay in a state of constant stress.

When someone asks us the question "where do you see yourself in five years", we can't answer it. Because we don't know what will happen in five hours, days, let alone years. But we want to survive. We don't want the aggressor to get the satisfaction of seeing us dead. That's why we have even created an all-Ukrainian Mental Health Program because without psychological support we can't cope here. We want people to receive help in difficult moments and not be ashamed to seek it.

How did you learn to live with it?

I do not  like the phrase "live with it" - because it sounds somewhat submissive. We don't intend to live with the war for the rest of our lives. The phrase "live despite it" is more appropriate. That's what we're trying to do.

I know you probably get this question a lot but how are you coping personally? 

In fact, I am analyzing and working with my emotions and feelings. As Stephen Fry, an actor, host, and mental health activist says the main thing is to be honest with oneself.

In Ukraine, discussing mental matters at a mental level (a paradoxical play on words) was always considered inappropriate. Taking care of one's own psychological well-being was seen as a sign of weakness. It was considered right to pretend that everything was fine, no matter what the truth was.

We want to change that. We want to teach people to transform their war traumas into their strength. And our family has a recipe for that. It's about helping others and not being a passive victim. When you see the results of even a small act that makes someone's life better, it works as effectively as a psychotherapy session. Most of our people volunteer in this way, helping hospitals and the military.

Has war taught you something?

I'll be candid. The war taught me to act like a first lady. I've often said before that I didn't choose this role, and no one can teach you what to do to bring real benefit to people in it. It's not just about taking on "conventional" first lady duties like charity or culture. The war teaches, for instance, how to request weapons, not just medical equipment; it teaches you to do things you may not particularly like, such as public speaking or dealing with things you've never had experience with. 

Such as? 

For me it is construction, because my foundation is currently building homes for large foster families.

A few days ago, I spoke with Chairman of the Ukrainian Parliament Ruslan Stefanchuk whom I’ve asked whether Ukraine wasn't beginning to feel exhausted after two years of war. Don't you feel like you might be losing determination and will, especially when you don't know how long the war can last?

We all have the right to any feelings. This is one of the fundamental goals of our Mental Health Program - to convey to people that it's okay not to be okay. As long as they honestly acknowledge it, without self-deception. There are moments when you may feel more exhausted or more inspired - it depends on how the day has gone. Every day is an emotional rollercoaster. We are humans just like you, and we feel the same as your readers would if they heard air raid warnings every hour, like in Kharkiv or Kherson, for example. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

But the fact that we feel sadness, despair and fear almost every day does not mean that they paralyze us or that they make us give up. I perceive emotions more as a useful tool for acting. In addition, other important insights emerge from psychological observations across Ukraine that our emotions do not determine who we are. They are only moments. I'm just learning to understand it myself.

From what we have talked about, it seems that your focus is primarily on the humanitarian side of the war. Is that right?

Yes. My husband is concerned with what's happening on the front lines so we can survive as a nation. I'm concerned with survival in the broader sense. My main concern is really humanitarian aid, especially in the medical and educational fields. The lives of our people have been shattered, in some places were thrown back years in time. We are trying to somehow restore it to a dignified level. 

Could you be more specific?

In response to these humanitarian challenges, we established the Olena Zelenska Foundation. In the first days of the war, we had to evacuate sick children for treatment, and this could only be done in cooperation with other countries, specifically with First Ladies and their personal contacts. 

For more than a year, we have also been buying generators and other essential items for the liberated territories together. Indeed, the tactics of the occupiers include not only the goal of destroying all communication but also of leaving us to freeze to death. 

We are also rebuilding a completely devastated hospital in the town of Izium in the Kharkiv region. The occupiers left nothing of it, not even the walls. Before they arrived it contained modern CT scanners, operating theatres and valuable equipment for 150,000 local residents. Everything was lost, stolen. It takes a while to destroy something, but it takes a lot to repair it. We raised the funds for the operating rooms and now we are finally starting to move forward.

I often hear from you about the extraordinary strength of Ukrainian women. Don't they deserve more attention?

Much of what holds up our society relies on women. I recently gave several reports at the UN, where I specifically spoke about the female face of our resistance.

The majority of our population is women. It so happened. Most of our teachers, healthcare workers, social workers - they are women. They are the ones teaching, healing, and providing assistance to lonely pensioners. Most small-sized businesses - shops, services - are run by women. 

They have been severely affected because often their businesses were burnt along with the cities they were in. However, they are starting afresh in new cities and countries, including the Czech Republic. And if women left, saving their children, it doesn't mean they don't stay with our country. Their families, their husbands, sons, parents are here, so everything they do is for Ukraine.

What toll has the war taken on women?

Women who have been in occupied territories may have suffered sexual violence committed by Russians. Over 200 such cases are under investigation by the Prosecutor General's Office. Every day, someone loses loved ones - and it's not necessarily on the front lines; a Russian missile can hit someone's home. Just recently, such a missile killed postal workers in Kharkiv - do I need to explain how much sorrow their mothers, wives, daughters are experiencing?

Please remember this when you see a Ukrainian woman in your city rushing to work. Most likely, this job is significantly below her qualifications and the level she's accustomed to. Most likely, she's thinking about someone close to her on the front lines at that moment. Most likely, she is traumatized - if not physically, then mentally - by the loss of her home, separation from loved ones, and uncertainty. But you won't see it, because as I mentioned, in Ukraine, it's customary not to display emotions. You will see an "ordinary" woman. Just know it, as it truly is: Every Ukrainian woman is currently engaged in a significant internal struggle for life. 

At the same time, our women are not victims, and they don't want to be victims - they want to be defenders. They defend their families and their country in every possible way.

Have you ever thought about leaving Ukraine? For the children…

Never. 

Children in Ukraine have also experienced almost two years of violence, trauma and loss. According to Unicef, some 3.4 million children are in need of some form of humanitarian assistance. Not to mention the fact that many of them are separated from their families in Russian camps where Russia has taken them. Mykola Kuleba, the former Ukrainian commissioner for children's rights, recently told our newspaper some heartbreaking stories of children whose identities the Russians have managed to completely erase. How does this affect you as a mother?

It seems to me that it's not a question of whether or not one has children, whether one is a mother or a father. It's about empathy, the human capacity for compassion. When you hear about a little girl who survived in the cold cellars during the Russian attack and shelling in Mariupol, saw her father killed in front of her eyes, her house blown up, then captured and taken to Russia, and her grandparents have been crying for months because they have no news of her - wouldn't you personally want to do something to make sure that child didn't feel that horror?

Of course.

And this is the reaction of every responsible adult. To protect the defenseless. A child. And this is a real story. 

And what happened to the girl?

She was freed and reunited with her grandparents. It was a miracle. But 19,000 children are demonstrably still in Russia. (Moscow claims to have "rescued" up to 700,000 children from Ukraine, ed.) And we know from the words of those who have returned that they are undergoing psychological torture. They are told that nobody needs them. That they are not wanted. This is no less terrifying than being held in captivity - perhaps even more terrifying. When a little person is deliberately demoralized and someone tries to erase their personality, as you rightly point out.

I know Ukraine needs more weapons in order to fight this war. But how can we help those whose voices don't get heard in the media? Is there anything else Ukraine needs that the international community can do?

I would like us to change the focus on this issue, because only this way will we find the right answer. It's not just about "what Ukraine needs," that seems like a purely local problem. Let's instead ask "What does the world need in this situation?" For example, what does the Czech Republic, which is geographically close to us, need? Think first and foremost about that.

Does the Czech Republic and the Czech people need the aggressor to gain an advantage and encroach upon your borders? To feel impunity and decide to repeat, for instance, the events of 1968? I ask, what does the Czech Republic need so that this never happens again? For Ukraine to win. The only thing we can do is to keep fighting and keep resisting as we have been doing. It's not greed, it's a fight for freedom.

 

Právě se děje

Další zprávy